Tonight I went in for my first official night at a new retail job. I was pretty excited, granted, it's retail - but it was going to be fun - I was just sure. My "official dress code" requires me to wear all black. Which I did, except for the infernal shoes. I wore this terrific pair of little red ones that a dear friend costumer just found for me at the thrift store. Okay...yes, I was testing things. I always do that...in high school on the night before I date I would always do something like dye my hair purple. "So, you thought you liked me huh? What do you think of me now!?" I suppose is the theory... Yes, I was testing things. And they called me on it. Which, I suppose is alright.
HOWEVER...here's how things went down, and dear readers - I am furious with how things went down. So I leave job #1 after scarfing down a Lean Cuisine steam bowl. First of all...seriously? I'm trying to eat right, which is normally a delight - tonight's meal was not...but with new job (job #2) I'm only allowed one fifteen minute "off the floor" and I'm slated to be there until midnight, so I figure, "suck it up, you'll be glad you ate later." So, this morning, I pack my lunch, AND my dinner and I head off for a twelve hour day.
Back to the story at hand...so I leave job #1 and head towards job #2. First of all, finding the parking lot in the blinding light of Colorado sundown was a pain in my a**. I finally find something, put my $3 in the box and head in to work. So I get there, and it's just like the factory I knew it would be...I put my stuff in my locker - folks leaning up against them, dressed in their "all black" like the good little sheep that they are... and I proceed to check in.
"
There they are - my bosses and they're looking me up and down. The woman says, "do you have black shoes?" To which I respond, "Oh, no, I'm sorry - is that a problem?" "Yes, you have to go home. What's your name?" I tell them, then the woman barks at me again, "We need a working phone number for you. Your phone doesn't work." "Really," I think to myself, "because your office called me 3 hours ago to REMIND me that I have to come to work?" As if I ever needed to be reminded that I'm supposed to be at work. Don't they know that I am a work horse? I KNOW I'm supposed to be at work. Then the man tells me that he won't hold it against me, they're overstaffed tonight anyway. And there we have it, gentle readers. I'm dismissed. The security guy looks at me and says, "uh-oh" as I leave.
And the thing is - I get it, I should have worn black shoes.
Nevermind that I stand behind a counter. Nevermind that I am really, stupidly good at retail. Nevermind that I needed this job to get me through the two months between teaching gigs (in another three weeks, i'm picking up two more jobs and I won't care...but today, I care). And I wanted to tell them to F off. That I don't need their stupid job. But I do. So now I'm just hoping that they'll put me on the schedule for next week, so I can go in and smile a lot and sell some of their stuff.
And what I'm wondering is, how did I get here? I had a promising future. BLAH.
I'm going to go have a glass of red wine and pretend like all this "job" nonsense is just that!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Some things I've learned...and some things I'm still learning...
Proving myself to anyone only proves that I don't know myself.
I have great hair!
There's actually just about nothing that's impossible in this world.
You never know what's next.
The best gift that you can give anyone is trust...trust in them, in yourself...the ability to be trusted.
Love IS all you need.
No matter how much I work to deny it, I LOVE and really kind of need coffee.
It turns out, you may not really need the things you think you do.
I may be just a little bit psychic. We might all be. I'm interested in cultivating this.
I have three best girlfriends - cumulatively, they make who I am obvious.
I have one best friend - he makes me happy to be who I am.
Saying "yes" to an opportunity makes me very happy!
Perspective is the carrot I chase...sometimes it's close, sometimes not so much...I'm working on it.
There's very little in this world that a good cup of tea, a bath, a massage, and a smoke won't make better.
Peanut Butter and Jelly really is the best!
I carry all the people that I've known with me - and that makes me stronger.
Grief cannot be objectively quantified.
I am capable of so many more things that I ever thought possible, and I am learning that more and more in every moment!
...I'm trying to get back into the habit of blogging...but lately, it's been more listing than blogging...but then again, you never know what's next!
I have great hair!
There's actually just about nothing that's impossible in this world.
You never know what's next.
The best gift that you can give anyone is trust...trust in them, in yourself...the ability to be trusted.
Love IS all you need.
No matter how much I work to deny it, I LOVE and really kind of need coffee.
It turns out, you may not really need the things you think you do.
I may be just a little bit psychic. We might all be. I'm interested in cultivating this.
I have three best girlfriends - cumulatively, they make who I am obvious.
I have one best friend - he makes me happy to be who I am.
Saying "yes" to an opportunity makes me very happy!
Perspective is the carrot I chase...sometimes it's close, sometimes not so much...I'm working on it.
There's very little in this world that a good cup of tea, a bath, a massage, and a smoke won't make better.
Peanut Butter and Jelly really is the best!
I carry all the people that I've known with me - and that makes me stronger.
Grief cannot be objectively quantified.
I am capable of so many more things that I ever thought possible, and I am learning that more and more in every moment!
...I'm trying to get back into the habit of blogging...but lately, it's been more listing than blogging...but then again, you never know what's next!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Year Before 30...
Only about 7 and a half months to go until I'm 30. But who's counting, right?
Actually, I'm pretty excited about it - I think I just keep getting better, and life certainly keeps getting better, every minute and every year. However, it is a strange sensation to recognize that in only a few short months, that illusive decade, "my 20's" will be over. How I thought I would never reach it...and then, just like that, it's over. Of course, I recognize that all of this pressure and symbolism is purely culturally based. We're taught that our 20's are supposed to be some time of wild debauchery and equally, of settling down and starting down a path. In truth, I think our 20's is just another set of 10 years to try out being human.
All that being said, it's still weird. 30. I think I'm gonna like it there. But in the meantime, a few lists.
Things I did not do in my 20's that I thought I probably would:
get married
have a baby
go to grad school
quit smoking
Things that I did do in my 20's:
Graduated with an undergrad degree in acting, magna cum laude
Got arrested
Moved back to MS, lived with my grandfather just before he died
Spent several months unemployed
Buried both my grandparents
Saw my parents divorce
Had my heart broken
Took a road trip for a month by myself
Began teaching
Moved to Chicago
Fell in love
Moved to Colorado
Bought a house
Started a company
Went to Europe, twice
Went to Las Vegas for the first time
Stood up for my two best girlfriends when they married their loves
Directed lots of my own plays, and got paid for it!
Anyway, there's a little taste. And hey - there's still 7 and a half months! Who knows what I might do in that time! WHOHOO!
Actually, I'm pretty excited about it - I think I just keep getting better, and life certainly keeps getting better, every minute and every year. However, it is a strange sensation to recognize that in only a few short months, that illusive decade, "my 20's" will be over. How I thought I would never reach it...and then, just like that, it's over. Of course, I recognize that all of this pressure and symbolism is purely culturally based. We're taught that our 20's are supposed to be some time of wild debauchery and equally, of settling down and starting down a path. In truth, I think our 20's is just another set of 10 years to try out being human.
All that being said, it's still weird. 30. I think I'm gonna like it there. But in the meantime, a few lists.
Things I did not do in my 20's that I thought I probably would:
get married
have a baby
go to grad school
quit smoking
Things that I did do in my 20's:
Graduated with an undergrad degree in acting, magna cum laude
Got arrested
Moved back to MS, lived with my grandfather just before he died
Spent several months unemployed
Buried both my grandparents
Saw my parents divorce
Had my heart broken
Took a road trip for a month by myself
Began teaching
Moved to Chicago
Fell in love
Moved to Colorado
Bought a house
Started a company
Went to Europe, twice
Went to Las Vegas for the first time
Stood up for my two best girlfriends when they married their loves
Directed lots of my own plays, and got paid for it!
Anyway, there's a little taste. And hey - there's still 7 and a half months! Who knows what I might do in that time! WHOHOO!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Thank you notes and other niceties...
I've made a new resolution for myself these days. I'll admit, I've been a tad grouchy. Which has actually been a rarity for a while now. I believe that my New Year's resolution to say "thank you" for something every day has really taken it's toll on my cynicism. As a result, I've been pretty chipper of late.
But not this past week. In the past week I have been a downright grump. Crampy and worn out sure - but that's no excuse. SO - I have resolved, that whenever I am feeling particularly unkind or pessimistic, that I will attempt to combat that feeling by doing something nice. Putting something good out into the world. I owe the world some goodness. Thursday was a particularly grumpy day. I stopped by a bakery on the way in and brought treats for work. That helped.
The thing is, I REALLY, REALLY like being nice. I know that well behaved women rarely make history, and I know that being nice is not nearly so important as being smart, revolutionary, provocative...etc... but I don't think that being nice means you can't be those things as well. And being nice makes me feel really good.
BUT...(there's always a caveat, right? the duality of the world, I suppose) I am discovering that it's not quite so selfless as we'd like to let ourselves think. I like being nice. I like knowing that someone's day is a little brighter, or a little easier... I also like knowing that I did that. I like the thank you. Now, I'll defend myself a bit by saying that I don't need a gift, or a big explosion of emotion - but I do really need a thank you. I kind of thrive on thank you's.
It's interesting to me that 100 years ago when people had basically two ways to say "thank you" that they did it, religiously, as an art form. Letter writing, the thank you note - an intrinsic part of society. But now that we can text, call, facebook, myspace, twitter, email, snail mail, im, or say it in person...we forget to say "thank you". Or...we're embarrassed, or don't know how to accept kindness from one another, or something.
And I'm guilty myself. As I write this, I'm thinking of 4 or 5 people that I need to say "thank you" to right now. Seriously folks - think about how good it makes you feel when you just get a casual "thank you" tossed your way at a burger joint...now imagine if your friends or family said it to you, right after you took a minute or two out of your life to do something nice. Wouldn't that make you feel GREAT! So do it.
Say THANK YOU!
I'll be a little less grumpy if you would ;)
But not this past week. In the past week I have been a downright grump. Crampy and worn out sure - but that's no excuse. SO - I have resolved, that whenever I am feeling particularly unkind or pessimistic, that I will attempt to combat that feeling by doing something nice. Putting something good out into the world. I owe the world some goodness. Thursday was a particularly grumpy day. I stopped by a bakery on the way in and brought treats for work. That helped.
The thing is, I REALLY, REALLY like being nice. I know that well behaved women rarely make history, and I know that being nice is not nearly so important as being smart, revolutionary, provocative...etc... but I don't think that being nice means you can't be those things as well. And being nice makes me feel really good.
BUT...(there's always a caveat, right? the duality of the world, I suppose) I am discovering that it's not quite so selfless as we'd like to let ourselves think. I like being nice. I like knowing that someone's day is a little brighter, or a little easier... I also like knowing that I did that. I like the thank you. Now, I'll defend myself a bit by saying that I don't need a gift, or a big explosion of emotion - but I do really need a thank you. I kind of thrive on thank you's.
It's interesting to me that 100 years ago when people had basically two ways to say "thank you" that they did it, religiously, as an art form. Letter writing, the thank you note - an intrinsic part of society. But now that we can text, call, facebook, myspace, twitter, email, snail mail, im, or say it in person...we forget to say "thank you". Or...we're embarrassed, or don't know how to accept kindness from one another, or something.
And I'm guilty myself. As I write this, I'm thinking of 4 or 5 people that I need to say "thank you" to right now. Seriously folks - think about how good it makes you feel when you just get a casual "thank you" tossed your way at a burger joint...now imagine if your friends or family said it to you, right after you took a minute or two out of your life to do something nice. Wouldn't that make you feel GREAT! So do it.
Say THANK YOU!
I'll be a little less grumpy if you would ;)
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