Amazing to me sometimes how quickly things can spiral totally out of control when I'm involved. On the outside I'm a predominately sane, competent person - but on the inside I'm this shrieking, wailing shrew.
Have you ever had those days? Where everything's going along beautifully, you're enjoying the company, the music, laughter...and then suddenly, without really being completely certain of how you got there, your stomach feels like it's leapt up into your throat, your heart is going to burst out of your chest, and the thoughts inside your head are doing laps so fast to make an Olympic runner blink? It sounds pretty melodramatic to me, and I'm tired of it. I want a little rest from my head.
Today is discouraging. Final performances for the classes that I've been teaching - it seemed a little to me like I failed the kids. They are terrific, and so cute and tremendously funny at every moment - but I think I was a pretty shoddy teacher. I feel bad for them. And I feel "found out"...as in, I've been pretending to be this grown up who can get things done and be depended on - who's sometimes even fairly respected - but now it's all out in the open, I'm discovered.
I think I'd really like to go back to bed - wake up when it's tomorrow and no longer today.
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Didn't I write this blog several weeks ago? I know exactly what you mean...
I guess days like that are the reason they say we're crazy...
but know this - you are amazing. phenomenal even - someone so deserving of respect and admiration it doesn't do it justice to only say it. I should be screaming it. I know I'm your little sister, but you should know you've played your role well - I look up to from my place of 6 1/2 years inexperience and I hope that someday I will be as dedicated as you are... I hope that I will make people proud the way that you do.
So know those things sister, and know that you are loved (in case you ever doubted it).
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