I need to take just a minute to give the universe and every person in it a big hug! There are so many brilliant quotations running through my head right now...
"I've always relied on the kindness of strangers..." - Tennessee Williams
"At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist you" Goerthe
Just a very few short months ago - I sat at a table with three brilliant artists and dear friends, including my very own most beautiful beloved - and we decided that now was the right time, we were going to leap in and commit to producing our own play and taking it to festival in...IRELAND! You get the right people together, at the right time, and magic happens.
From that point, B. and I started our own production company - Pure High Arts, LLC - and we sat down to raise some money. Tomorrow night is our very first fundraiser - A Night with the Zoo - we're hosting a benefit and without nonprofit status or a name that anyone (yet!) recognizes - we've already been donated a space, wine, terrific local beer from Breckenridge Brewery , and food by one of my favorite Denver restaurants - Dazzle Restaurant and Jazz. On top of that, we've had almost 30 outstanding prizes donated for a drawing that will last all night - AND we've put together a promotional video on the project. Friends and family have been pouring in with their support, both financial, emotional, and word of mouth - AND yesterday we had our very first press in the Westword - an excellent Denver newspaper!
The people that have opened their hearts to us, giving their skills, their time, and their money astound me. The buzz that this has already generated, and the amazing creative impetus that is swirling all around us amaze me. I am so grateful, so thankful - and so certain that this project is exactly the right thing at the right time. I hope you will all join us on this journey to create the art that we want to see -
And hey - at the end of the day - as if all of this isn't enough - I'm going to Ireland to put on a play that I directed!
...speaking of directing, on another note - I'm also directing a short piece for the TCG conference in two weeks! ACK! I thought moving to Denver was about getting to finally be with my beloved...who knew that it would turn out to be the city of my dreams!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Strange Phenomenon
I am almost 6 feet tall, weigh around 160ish pounds, I've got big, crazy, curly hair and I've been known to be pretty loud - and strangely, I've found that in Colorado, I'm kind of invisible. Weird. This has never happened to me before.
Last weekend though I went to my friend Kate's birthday where I ran into a girl that I've met FOUR INDIVIDUAL times. Every time we've met, I've introduced myself to her, reminded her of the last time we met - and we've even taken a 5 hour acting workshop together, AND sat next to her during lunch and chatted. We have mutual friends, we're part of a small community - and YET - she continues to look at me as though she's never seen me before.
That's not the only instance. I find myself constantly reminding people of the last time we met. In fact, on Wednesday, I ran into a woman who remembered me first (embarassingly...although, at least I DID REMEMBER HER) and I wanted to kiss her on the face.
It's a strange thing - I know that I'm not quite the same boisterous, in your face girl that I used to be. I'm much calmer, perhaps even more diminutive these days. And the truth is, I'm dating an amazing man who is sort of a giant among the people he knows - he's kind and fun, well liked and respected...and perhaps I pale a little bit next to him, for the time being, my being new and all...
What's even weirder is the sheer number of strangers who feel like it's appropriate to tell me that I'd better be good enough for him...that they had hoped to be his girlfriend...and the like. Weird, right? Is it just me? Or is just not the South anymore?
Just a little ranting, please excuse me - it's just that these are the kind of behaviours that it's not exactly polite for me to call out - I could say something like, "WHAT THE F*** DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME? ARE YOU STUPID?" or "EXCUSE ME??!! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT KIND OF GIRLFRIEND TO BE? IS THAT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS?" But I don't...I'm a good Southern girl - so I'll vent it here...for the entire world to read. My grandmother would be so proud!
Happy Holiday weekend!
Last weekend though I went to my friend Kate's birthday where I ran into a girl that I've met FOUR INDIVIDUAL times. Every time we've met, I've introduced myself to her, reminded her of the last time we met - and we've even taken a 5 hour acting workshop together, AND sat next to her during lunch and chatted. We have mutual friends, we're part of a small community - and YET - she continues to look at me as though she's never seen me before.
That's not the only instance. I find myself constantly reminding people of the last time we met. In fact, on Wednesday, I ran into a woman who remembered me first (embarassingly...although, at least I DID REMEMBER HER) and I wanted to kiss her on the face.
It's a strange thing - I know that I'm not quite the same boisterous, in your face girl that I used to be. I'm much calmer, perhaps even more diminutive these days. And the truth is, I'm dating an amazing man who is sort of a giant among the people he knows - he's kind and fun, well liked and respected...and perhaps I pale a little bit next to him, for the time being, my being new and all...
What's even weirder is the sheer number of strangers who feel like it's appropriate to tell me that I'd better be good enough for him...that they had hoped to be his girlfriend...and the like. Weird, right? Is it just me? Or is just not the South anymore?
Just a little ranting, please excuse me - it's just that these are the kind of behaviours that it's not exactly polite for me to call out - I could say something like, "WHAT THE F*** DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME? ARE YOU STUPID?" or "EXCUSE ME??!! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT KIND OF GIRLFRIEND TO BE? IS THAT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS?" But I don't...I'm a good Southern girl - so I'll vent it here...for the entire world to read. My grandmother would be so proud!
Happy Holiday weekend!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Collateral Damage
The truth will set you...
Free? Really? Or scared? Or lost...currently, the truth has set me lost. The search for truth. The desire for honesty. What is truth really? Isn't it *true* that each person's truth, by nature of our humanity, is going to differ? Then how does one discern when one is being lied to?
Why are we so afraid of being lied to? Because then we won't KNOW?! HA! Whoever gets to know anything absolutely. And how much duality is their to truth?
I remember having a conversation with Kelly and Seth on my mamma's front porch back in high school, we didn't fall asleep for one minute that night - just sat in the hammock, smoking our cloves and discussing TRUTH...and all things related.
Now here I am - 11 or so years later, and I'm no closer to understanding than I was that night. Sheesh - what a waste, I should have gotten some sleep! :) At least I quit smoking cloves. :)
I feel all discombobulated. I don't know what to think, or how to feel. I don't know how to stand on solid ground - how to not feel like every moment might bring some devastating new truth that will send me toppling down. I don't like this feeling, I'm very uncomfortable.
But I have the nagging sensation, somewhere deep down inside me - that MY TRUTH is the one that matters - the one that's going to lead me to that terra firma.
Still, I can't help but wonder - what is it that we're hiding from? Why do we hide from each other? If I know who I am, and I like who I am - and I feel or do something - what kind of sense does it make that I wouldn't be comfortable saying that I did it...I felt it?
Are we really just all hiding from ourselves? Is the rest of it collateral damage?
Free? Really? Or scared? Or lost...currently, the truth has set me lost. The search for truth. The desire for honesty. What is truth really? Isn't it *true* that each person's truth, by nature of our humanity, is going to differ? Then how does one discern when one is being lied to?
Why are we so afraid of being lied to? Because then we won't KNOW?! HA! Whoever gets to know anything absolutely. And how much duality is their to truth?
I remember having a conversation with Kelly and Seth on my mamma's front porch back in high school, we didn't fall asleep for one minute that night - just sat in the hammock, smoking our cloves and discussing TRUTH...and all things related.
Now here I am - 11 or so years later, and I'm no closer to understanding than I was that night. Sheesh - what a waste, I should have gotten some sleep! :) At least I quit smoking cloves. :)
I feel all discombobulated. I don't know what to think, or how to feel. I don't know how to stand on solid ground - how to not feel like every moment might bring some devastating new truth that will send me toppling down. I don't like this feeling, I'm very uncomfortable.
But I have the nagging sensation, somewhere deep down inside me - that MY TRUTH is the one that matters - the one that's going to lead me to that terra firma.
Still, I can't help but wonder - what is it that we're hiding from? Why do we hide from each other? If I know who I am, and I like who I am - and I feel or do something - what kind of sense does it make that I wouldn't be comfortable saying that I did it...I felt it?
Are we really just all hiding from ourselves? Is the rest of it collateral damage?
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Hanging on by the toenails.
I love my life. Everyday is a glorious surprise so full of delightful people and events...children who say beautiful things, new jobs, new experiences, finally the rich deep sun...I love my life.
But isn't it funny how somedays loving is such a given. You can't help but break into a giddy smile as you approach the airport...going just right AT the speed limit...there's no point in getting a ticket and further delaying your reunion...
And somedays it feels like every bone and muscle in you has given up on loving...is incapable. Just the basic exercise of remembering to smile at strangers, and keep that lilt in your voice while you talk to patrons - sending out all the love that you have into the universe, hoping against hope that by sending it out there, you might feel a little of it returned to you - refilling your coffers.
My coffers need refilling today. Bad.
But isn't it funny how somedays loving is such a given. You can't help but break into a giddy smile as you approach the airport...going just right AT the speed limit...there's no point in getting a ticket and further delaying your reunion...
And somedays it feels like every bone and muscle in you has given up on loving...is incapable. Just the basic exercise of remembering to smile at strangers, and keep that lilt in your voice while you talk to patrons - sending out all the love that you have into the universe, hoping against hope that by sending it out there, you might feel a little of it returned to you - refilling your coffers.
My coffers need refilling today. Bad.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Wishing I'd paid more attention in college...
This weekend, my beloved is in STL, visiting his darling daughter - and staying (also meeting) my soul sister and best college bud. What a wonderful opportunity for these amazing people to meet and get to know one another without all the pressure of "meeting the boyfriend/best friend" Especially after 2 years of buildup. They're hitting it off marvelously! In fact, she told me today that she even forgot he was my boyfriend and was just thinking how great it is to have this new friend and be hanging out with him. I couldn't have asked for more :) And yet...it's never easy for me to be told that I'd been forgotten. Is is so hard for me to remember myself? Ridiculous, isn't it?
I spent the day taking an inspiring and intoxicating workshop with members of the SITI company. Suzuki kicked my ass when I was 20... 8 years later, it hadn't gotten any kinder. But I understood the Viewpoints today - and it informed some work. I felt what was going on and saw the benefit of this work - and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. I wish I could go back to undergrad - where the SITI company and Anne Bogart herself came into my classroom to teach us workshops - where the company performed on our stage, where I had access to professors and artists whose JOB it was to tell me what they knew.
At the time, I didn't understand it. My heart, my body, and my mind weren't open to it. I was so afraid of not being good, or failing, or probably, working too hard - I wasted college. (Don't tell my dad!) I'd like to go back and do it over again, I'd pay more attention - I'd read all the plays I was supposed to (and save myself playing catch up with the cannon), I'd listen to every word that every professor said instead of crawling back up inside my shell and crying, "she just doesn't like me!" and I'd really learn.
Funny to me - I'm such an academic in some many ways. School is (more or less) easy for me. With the exception of chemistry, it always has been. I can write a paper quickly. I can discuss a book or a play or a theory. I was good at school.
But it took a really long time (and it was well after my matriculation) that I finally grasped what it was to learn.
WOW.
I spent the day taking an inspiring and intoxicating workshop with members of the SITI company. Suzuki kicked my ass when I was 20... 8 years later, it hadn't gotten any kinder. But I understood the Viewpoints today - and it informed some work. I felt what was going on and saw the benefit of this work - and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. I wish I could go back to undergrad - where the SITI company and Anne Bogart herself came into my classroom to teach us workshops - where the company performed on our stage, where I had access to professors and artists whose JOB it was to tell me what they knew.
At the time, I didn't understand it. My heart, my body, and my mind weren't open to it. I was so afraid of not being good, or failing, or probably, working too hard - I wasted college. (Don't tell my dad!) I'd like to go back and do it over again, I'd pay more attention - I'd read all the plays I was supposed to (and save myself playing catch up with the cannon), I'd listen to every word that every professor said instead of crawling back up inside my shell and crying, "she just doesn't like me!" and I'd really learn.
Funny to me - I'm such an academic in some many ways. School is (more or less) easy for me. With the exception of chemistry, it always has been. I can write a paper quickly. I can discuss a book or a play or a theory. I was good at school.
But it took a really long time (and it was well after my matriculation) that I finally grasped what it was to learn.
WOW.
Friday, April 4, 2008
I need a drink.
Or a Xanex...or something to still my world...
It's all so wonderful - the BEST things have been happening lately and I can't even stand it, it's all so heady and amazing. This blog is going to hardly be my literary best, but if I don't get some of these things out I just might burst.
So let's see...as you've heard - I'm wildly in love with the greatest man I've ever known. My best girl rocks and has some awesome news! :) I get to see 5 plays in one week. They are:
Gee's Bend - saw it, review to come soon
Frog & Toad - saw it, review to come soon
Dinner with Friends
Oleanna
The Merry Wives of Windsor
THEN...in the coming weeks we've also go tickets to Harvey...and we're going to see The Birthday Party...and Doubt. It's a good time for theatre.
So that's all great - but old news, right? Then, on top of that - I start teaching again tomorrow and I can't wait to be back with the little ones. I've added two new classes this session, so things promise to be challenging and exhilarating...
I've actually started making friends in Denver. ...and not just the kind where they're really B's friends, but it works out well that we all enjoy each others company either... some friends to have coffee or a drink with. Some friends to talk girl talk with.
TONIGHT - at midnight, I'm going to lose my Goonies virginity and see it on a big screen with a whole bunch of people who think it's cool to go see the Goonies at midnight on a Friday night. My kind of people indeed!
B. gave me roller skates for my birthday and they're AWESOME. I'm going skating soon - and I can't wait. I don't remember the last time I roller skated, but it was surely too long ago.
"SPRING IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER, TOAD!"
AND...the biggest and the most exciting news of all...we bought our tickets to Ireland today! B's performing in THE ZOO STORY in a tiny coastal town of Ireland with some other lovely Denver friends - and as of today, come hell or high water - we're going. Tickets are bought. We're going to Ireland in August! AWESOME.
In not so awesome news...my Uncle Danny suffered a pretty bad fall and is, as we say in MS, "tore up." They expect him to be unable to move really for about 10 weeks or so...so keep him, A.C. and the kiddos in your thoughts and prayers. They're pretty tough, and we're all so lucky that it wasn't worse - but they could certainly use some grace right about now.
Thanks for paying attention...play reviews and possibly some book reviews coming soon. Look out!
It's all so wonderful - the BEST things have been happening lately and I can't even stand it, it's all so heady and amazing. This blog is going to hardly be my literary best, but if I don't get some of these things out I just might burst.
So let's see...as you've heard - I'm wildly in love with the greatest man I've ever known. My best girl rocks and has some awesome news! :) I get to see 5 plays in one week. They are:
Gee's Bend - saw it, review to come soon
Frog & Toad - saw it, review to come soon
Dinner with Friends
Oleanna
The Merry Wives of Windsor
THEN...in the coming weeks we've also go tickets to Harvey...and we're going to see The Birthday Party...and Doubt. It's a good time for theatre.
So that's all great - but old news, right? Then, on top of that - I start teaching again tomorrow and I can't wait to be back with the little ones. I've added two new classes this session, so things promise to be challenging and exhilarating...
I've actually started making friends in Denver. ...and not just the kind where they're really B's friends, but it works out well that we all enjoy each others company either... some friends to have coffee or a drink with. Some friends to talk girl talk with.
TONIGHT - at midnight, I'm going to lose my Goonies virginity and see it on a big screen with a whole bunch of people who think it's cool to go see the Goonies at midnight on a Friday night. My kind of people indeed!
B. gave me roller skates for my birthday and they're AWESOME. I'm going skating soon - and I can't wait. I don't remember the last time I roller skated, but it was surely too long ago.
"SPRING IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER, TOAD!"
AND...the biggest and the most exciting news of all...we bought our tickets to Ireland today! B's performing in THE ZOO STORY in a tiny coastal town of Ireland with some other lovely Denver friends - and as of today, come hell or high water - we're going. Tickets are bought. We're going to Ireland in August! AWESOME.
In not so awesome news...my Uncle Danny suffered a pretty bad fall and is, as we say in MS, "tore up." They expect him to be unable to move really for about 10 weeks or so...so keep him, A.C. and the kiddos in your thoughts and prayers. They're pretty tough, and we're all so lucky that it wasn't worse - but they could certainly use some grace right about now.
Thanks for paying attention...play reviews and possibly some book reviews coming soon. Look out!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I think I'm gonna like it here...
So my life is so full of networking right now - which is great, don't get me wrong! And Denver is a place teeming with brilliant, talented, passionate artists who I'm enjoying more and more everyday. The problem I'm having is, the more I network, the more amazing people I meet...who I have no time to actually hang out with and get to know, because I'm too busy networking! HA! It's not such a bad problem really - great people, great minds, great parties, great plays...life is sort of extraordinary!
When I got to Denver, I think I was already planning my escape route - Grad School in 2009, MFA here I come...but the longer I spend here, the less I'm ready to leave again in a year. I've spent most of my 20's leaving places just as I get to know them, and I have a feeling about Denver, I have a feeling that there's a lot I can do here.
Which leads me to the play update for April. What a lot of theatre there is to see!!!
Tonight - Gee's Bend at the Denver Center. And at the Denver Center, in the next 2 weeks, we'll also be checking out Doubt and The Merry Wives of Windsor. The only production I've heard anything about is Merry Wives and that was "Fun Play!' so I'm anxious to see what all there is to see there! I like going to shows at the Denver Center - rarely am I stunned and blown away by their productions, but it's guaranteed to be strong and well produced and certainly worth seeing! PLUS, since we both teach there - tickets are free! YAY! What's better than that?
On Friday at noon, Frog and Toad at Arvada Center. I saw this at the Goodman while I was in Chicago and it was arguably the best children's theatre I've ever seen, so I'm psyched for this!Then, on Monday - Oleanna at the Avenue Theatre with new friend Elgin in it - great reviews from the post and I've loved everything I've seen her in (which admittedly is all children's theatre, so this should be quite a departure!). Then, I've got to find a date to see The Birthday Party at Germinal and Dinner with Friends at Vintage...
THEN...there's an awesome SITI company workshop on 4/20 which I cannot wait for! It's 6 hours of Suzuki and Viewpoints work which promises to wear me out and do some soul and creative rejuvenation that I am in desparate need of! AND...I'm directing one of the Curious New Voices science plays...it's a brilliant little script about government birth control called The 10 Billionth Baby and I'm thrilled for that. It's going to perform at an eco conference in Fort Collins. I'm all over the place :)
Seriously though - life is great. I have a feeling 28 is going to be the best year yet, hands down! B. and I are going with 3 other friends to Ireland to produce The Zoo Story at an outdoor ampitheatre in August...AWESOME!
Speaking of B., I think I may not have really dedicated enough space on this blog to discuss how deeply I am in love with him, and thoroughly amazing it is to get to live with your best friend - to share successes and excitement as well as disappointments and sadness. To get to play together all the time - I have never laughed so much in my life as I have these past almost 9 months...to count on one another when we need help, and to bring joy to one another in all those little ways that you can do in a day - and to realize that while I have only been lucky enough to know this incredible man for just over 2 years...i have never in my life been known and loved by another person in this way...and I can't wait to experience all the rest of my life with him.
I am indeed, a lucky ducky. And I have ALOT to do in the next 48 hours...2 lesson plans, play research...LIFE IS GOOD!
When I got to Denver, I think I was already planning my escape route - Grad School in 2009, MFA here I come...but the longer I spend here, the less I'm ready to leave again in a year. I've spent most of my 20's leaving places just as I get to know them, and I have a feeling about Denver, I have a feeling that there's a lot I can do here.
Which leads me to the play update for April. What a lot of theatre there is to see!!!
Tonight - Gee's Bend at the Denver Center. And at the Denver Center, in the next 2 weeks, we'll also be checking out Doubt and The Merry Wives of Windsor. The only production I've heard anything about is Merry Wives and that was "Fun Play!' so I'm anxious to see what all there is to see there! I like going to shows at the Denver Center - rarely am I stunned and blown away by their productions, but it's guaranteed to be strong and well produced and certainly worth seeing! PLUS, since we both teach there - tickets are free! YAY! What's better than that?
On Friday at noon, Frog and Toad at Arvada Center. I saw this at the Goodman while I was in Chicago and it was arguably the best children's theatre I've ever seen, so I'm psyched for this!Then, on Monday - Oleanna at the Avenue Theatre with new friend Elgin in it - great reviews from the post and I've loved everything I've seen her in (which admittedly is all children's theatre, so this should be quite a departure!). Then, I've got to find a date to see The Birthday Party at Germinal and Dinner with Friends at Vintage...
THEN...there's an awesome SITI company workshop on 4/20 which I cannot wait for! It's 6 hours of Suzuki and Viewpoints work which promises to wear me out and do some soul and creative rejuvenation that I am in desparate need of! AND...I'm directing one of the Curious New Voices science plays...it's a brilliant little script about government birth control called The 10 Billionth Baby and I'm thrilled for that. It's going to perform at an eco conference in Fort Collins. I'm all over the place :)
Seriously though - life is great. I have a feeling 28 is going to be the best year yet, hands down! B. and I are going with 3 other friends to Ireland to produce The Zoo Story at an outdoor ampitheatre in August...AWESOME!
Speaking of B., I think I may not have really dedicated enough space on this blog to discuss how deeply I am in love with him, and thoroughly amazing it is to get to live with your best friend - to share successes and excitement as well as disappointments and sadness. To get to play together all the time - I have never laughed so much in my life as I have these past almost 9 months...to count on one another when we need help, and to bring joy to one another in all those little ways that you can do in a day - and to realize that while I have only been lucky enough to know this incredible man for just over 2 years...i have never in my life been known and loved by another person in this way...and I can't wait to experience all the rest of my life with him.
I am indeed, a lucky ducky. And I have ALOT to do in the next 48 hours...2 lesson plans, play research...LIFE IS GOOD!
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